I was raised in a family of givers, and caretakers, and the old fashion way, where the women wait on the men, and take care of the home, but in the world of relationships, that tenancy and upbringing, if taken too far, can get me into a whole lot of trouble with men, and ultimately be the downfall of any relationship. There is a fine line between caring for someone and allowing yourself to be a “puppet on a string”.
When you spend all of your time trying to please another person, at your own expense; they will see you as weak, possessive and clingy. Now you would think that anyone would relish being treated like a Queen or King, but nobody truly, whether they are consciously aware of it or not, wants a “puppet on a string”. Just like any toy, you get tired and bored with playing with it after awhile, and will put that one away, in search of another more interesting, challenging toy.
Men and women do want attention. They want to be respected, to be first above all other members of the opposite sex, work, friends; but they do not want to be put up on a pedestal. It may be flattering and fine and dandy for a short time. They may even use you, and take advantage of you for awhile, but even that will change eventually. They soon loose respect for you, and you are teaching them to feel that way about you. It’s just all too easy. On the same token, you start feeling used, and unappreciated. Why? Because you allowed yourself to be used as a doormat, and you taught them to treat you that way.
People fall in love with you for who you are when they met you; with a life of your own; friends of your own; interests of your own. They want you to make room in your life for them, but they do not want you to give your life to them, and give up your life.
Over doing is based out of fear, and is manipulative and selfish, and something that should not ever be done to the one that you claim to love. It comes from wanting to control the other person. If I keep doing and doing for them they will need me, see what a great person I am, owe me. It comes from low self-esteem and not believing in yourself. You don’t believe that they will love you for who you truly are, so you over-compensate by over-doing. Where is the respect for yourself and them?
Holding someone in high esteem and believing in them can help them achieve more than they thought they could, as long as you are also aware and accept that they have faults as well. However, holding someone in too high esteem and putting them up on a “pedestal”, is putting too high expectations on someone; that people just doesn’t want to have to live up to…and can’t live up to. We all know we are not perfect, and the person is left wondering when those rose colored glasses are going to break, and all their faults are going to be exposed. They may try to live up to that image for awhile, but we also, as humans, have a tenancy to believe that if someone holds us in that high of esteem, there must be something wrong with them. We place them lower than we place ourselves.
The one who loves the least, is the one that is loved the most.
People want what they do not, or should not, or cannot have. If it is too easy to obtain, or too available, it looses it’s value, and you need value to have attraction. You need attraction to keep a relationship alive. People want to have the feeling of yearning, the feeling of being deprived…the thrill of the chase. The man is the hunter, and it is a primitive need for him to hunt and chase his pry.
Start living your life, spending time with your friends, puruing your interests, expanding yourself, making yourself better, so that someone will want you to make them a part of your life, not for what you can and will do for them, but for who you are.
Who is controlling your strings? Take this free test and find out if you are a "doormat".