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Wednesday, April 30, 2008

Have You Seen My Rose Colored Glasses?

I was reading an article by Zara Stevens, and it hit on something that has been on my mind a lot these past few years.

"You no longer make me happy anymore."

I heard this statement a lot at the end of my last relationship; that had started out with the most profound happiness that I could ever imagine. Both of us were filled with dreams that we were working to create together, along with supporting each other's individual dreams.

But then there came that "crack", as Zara put it.

I think that so many times part of the problem lies in the fact; that we meet someone, and they begin to bring so very much happiness into our lives, that each of you creates this perfect picture in your mind, about what a wonderful, perfect world, it is going to be.

But life always has a way of creating those “cracks”. All those many times, small things, that start popping up; that have a way of snowballing, and rolling down the hillside, creating this gigantic wall of coldness between you.

The reality of life has forced you to fly down off of “cloud nine”, and come crashing down to the real word.

All of a sudden the magical world, and this perfect “Knight in Shining Armor” or “Princess”, as the case may be; that you were so sure was going to swift you away to this magical world; that you envisioned in your mind… suddenly becomes real.

The "rose colored glasses" that you have been wearing fall off, and smash into smithereens onto the floor. You no longer have a choice, but to look at your partner, as a real person with faults and shortcomings, and you are angry with them for being just…a mere human being.

The "rose colored glasses" have been replaced with a black light; that shows every crack, all the glue, and every single speck of dust that was always there...only your perspective has changed.

They and your life no longer fit the expectations and imaginings; that you had so eloquently fabricated in your mind, while you were so deeply enthralled in the magical whirlwind…of "falling in love".

You begin to make up your mind; that they no longer bring all the happiness into your life that they once did; so now you hold them accountable for that. It becomes all too easy to place the blame on your partner, rather than to take a real close look, deep down inside, at yourself. It is their fault you are not happy with the situation, and your life as it is, at this moment. Your job, the bills, that stupid dog that keeps barking next door...it really doesn't matter what it is. They become the object, and the target of your anger. This person that you love more than your life itself...now is to blame.

"You no longer make me happy anymore."

Many times said in haste...can so easily become the object of your thoughts. Your mind now finds a need to justify those thoughts, and it begins in search for that justification. Your perspective and beliefs begin to change, because you are now looking at your life, and them, under the black light instead of through the “rose colored glasses”.

Everything in our life begins with a thought, and once those thoughts have been spoken, they now begin to take on more form.

This is where so many relationships fall apart. When the chemicals that our bodies create while we are falling in love start to change and level back off, we begin to see our partner and life, through different eyes. As we allow the stresses in our life to take hold of us again, all those little faults and habits; that we found so charming at the beginning, start to irritate us. Sadly this is, many times, when one of the partners begins to look for “greener pastures”, and decides to run off in hopes of finding that…“falling in love” feeling, once again.

However, if we stay together through this change, and learn together how to continue to work as a team towards those dreams; this is where true love, and a lasting relationship begins.

Falling in love is the seed, but we have to continue to take care of that seed. Tend it, water it, fertilize it, pull out the weeds, and especially, to protect it from thieves and saboteurs.

We are all responsible for our own happiness, which is based on our own expectations, perceptions, and beliefs. We cannot expect anyone but ourselves, to give that to us, and we are not responsible, nor can we give that to someone else. We all have to find our happiness within ourselves.

But how easily we forget!



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9 Love note(s):

Unbalanced Libra said...

Love your blog.
Thanks for stopping by mine.

searchingwithin said...

Thank you Unbalanced Libra. Maybe we will meet up again.

Jodie said...

What a hurtful thing to say. "You no longer make me happy anymore." The only kind of person who can say that is someone who isn't happy with themselves. The only purpose a statement like that can serve is to rip off the rose colored glasses and let you know that hapiness isn't possible there.

Tina Tobin said...

I like what you said about love being the seed and having to care for it. Here in the south the rebuttal to "the grass is always greener" is "the grass is greenest where you water it." This is true with romantic love as it is for anything worthwhile in life.

Friendster said...

Most people confuse love with infatuation. The words "You no longer make me happy anymore" is self gratification or selfish. It's not love. Love is sacrifice. If you love someone, you should not think how your partner should make you happy but how you should make your partner happy. If you give love, it will come back to you like a boomarang.

Karen said...

The last paragraph really got me thinking. I've always been the one who tries to make others happiness bleed onto me. I guess that's why I've been through so many relationships over the years. Creating happiness for myself first is something I need to apply to my life. Thanks for the great read and really allowing me to focus on myself and what I need to accomplish in my life.

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