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Monday, February 23, 2009

Is Your "Attraction Radar" Broken?


All over the internet, you find articles revolving around attraction; what creates attraction, how to draw attraction, the bodies chemical reaction to attraction, and the law of attraction. We all have certain things that we find attractive in the opposite sex (or same sex, if that is what you are in to), and a "type", we are drawn to.

I was reading a couple of articles that really caught my attention, that basically were delivering the same message.
The topic revolves around women, and men, who have one failed relationship after the other, continually finding themselves involved with people who treat them just as bad as the person before, always being attracted to the same "type". The same people then wonder why they are always getting hurt, and proclaim that all the good men/women are taken. We have all heard the saying that the definition of insanity, is doing the same thing over and over expecting a different result, but it appears that so many of us, are in fact insane, if that statement is true. Pick the same type, get hurt, go find the same type, get hurt, always hoping that this time will be different from the last...round and round the merry-go-round.

So many times we aren't even conscious that we are doing it. We meet someone, and feel that "chemistry" or attraction, and we are already half-way down the road to the next dead-end. In the article, "From Connection to Passion ", by Rori,

You’ll instinctively push away any man who’s emotionally available and
pine after a man who isn’t. In other words, you’re attraction to a man
who will hurt you is stronger than any other consideration.

How true this is so many times. We don't feel that attraction right away, so we classify them as only friends, or dismiss them altogether, because we are drawn to that "type", even though that "type" is not good for us.

I was reading another article the other day (can't find it again anywhere), where the woman had been pinning over a man that was not good for her, and hurt her, and when another wonderful man came along that she was not attracted to, she would only have him as a friend. To make a long story short, she ended up marrying him, and stated that during her wedding she looked into his eyes thinking, "but he's not my "type", and now fifteen years later she couldn't be happier.

The third article, "Do The Opposite", by: David Wygant, on MatchMatrix,
he starts out by talking about George Costanza, on "Sienfeld", decides that he his life is the opposite of everything he wants it to be, and so he starts doing the opposite, and his whole life changes. He states,

To get what you've never had, you have to do what you've never done.
You need to change your routine up and do the opposite, because doing
things the way you've always done them is going to continue to get you
the same unsatisfying results. I don't want any of you to ever, like
George, think “My life is the opposite of everything I want it to be.”

All people are drawn to what is familiar to them, and resist change.
It feels comfortable to us, whether it is good or bad. So when we meet someone that fits the same profile as before, we are attracted to that "type". Being that, that type is really wrong for us, that attraction is really a lie.

There are numerous authors, experts, and the like that believe we begin forming the emotional blueprint in our subconscious for our future partner at birth, based on the those people that are nearest and dearest to us...our parents. Even more precisely, our opposite gender parent...no matter how good or bad...warts and all. We are born, and continue to form emotional needs, and as children some of those needs are not met. So when we begin to look for our partner in life, we are drawn to those people like a magnet, who possess the same character flaws as our parents, in hopes we can somehow have those unmet needs met, and satisfied by our spouse.

The moral of the story is: When you go out and are immediately attracted to someone, especially if you have a history of bad, dead-end relationships, to take a step back and look a little closer. On the opposite token, when we meet someone and don't form that instant attraction, maybe we should take a step back and look a little closer. Our attraction radar just may be broken.

All the more reason why we should spend more time with someone without rushing into deciding they are "The One", and get to know them better.

It's time for change. Time to step out of your comfort zone.

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6 Love note(s):

Loving Annie said...

Very very wise advice and I should heed it carefully. I choose my women friends - and blog friends - based on how they treat me, and the relationships are reliable, loyal and mutually invested and satisyfying.

I choose men because I want them to jump my bones - and there is no real relationship and I have much pain.

My father all over again, a man who never wanted me in his life and never allowed me access to his selfish heart.

Dear AL said...

After reading your post, I feel like closing shop. Girl, you just blow me away with your writing.

I have so many friends that keep making the same mistake. One girl that I use to like that turned into my best friend is finally interested in me, just one problem (for her), I'm married now.

Tee aka The Diva's Thoughts said...

This post is so on point!

BK said...

It is a vicious cycle. The quotation on insanity hits the bull's eye. If they examined their past relationships enough, they would have noticed how they had fallen for the same type of women or men. And if they applied the same things in loving these women and men, then most probably they would get the same result. If they like the same type, they may have to change the things that they do. Or just simply choose another type. But this is not as straightforward as it seems as people resist changes by nature.

Shadow said...

if you have a minute, come and collect an award over here...


Rori Raye said...

What a terrific blog! Thank you for your comment about my post here and for visiting and commenting on my site. Attraction is mysterious - because we want it to be. Essentially, we're attracted to a man who's a little bit like our father and a little bit not like our father, and who makes us feel about ourselves roughly the way our father made us feel. If we do that enough, we form a pattern that's a habit, on top of our subconscious drive to reproduce our childhoods, even as we do our darndest to NOT do that. So - the easiest and most quickly fulfilling way to go about this is to start by undoing the habit, and then let the inner workings surface. As you continue to interact with men who are a bit outside your "usual," all kinds of emotional stuff comes up to be healed - and there you are. With the opportunity to make the subconscious conscious, to work through old patterns, and start fresh.

This is just the greatest topic ever, and I look forward to visiting you often (let me know if you'd like to guest post or just loan me one of your posts...) Sincerely, Rori Raye

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