Honey over at Lance and Honey, and Hammertime are having a difference of opinion regarding the topic of casual sex. This all began over an article written by Hammertime, where he wrote about, how after working the room, and encountering several flops, apparently, in his game and technique, finally found a pathetic, drunk female, and they had a quickie, in the bathroom, and then went on their separate ways. Mission accomplished (although, not quite accomplished well). Then Hammertime wrote another article about one of his textcalation booty calls.
Most people in their 20's and older, and in many cases much, much younger, have experienced casual sex in varying degrees, and we all have our reasons. I am no exception. However, in my opinion, it all boils down to validation of one sort or another.
In this particular scenario, in my opinion, the woman needed both male attention and a man’s approval. Even though, which she probably never noticed, she was way down on his list of conquests, but at least he still noticed her, eventually, and at least she made the cut, and at least he thought enough of her to bang her in the bathroom. He even bragged to her friend that he would be
done using her finished with her within fifteen minutes. Not something I would be bragging to a woman about, if I were a man, but…to each their own.
Hammer’s validation, in my opinion, came from driving his rod home and making another score, which makes him feel more masculine; especially when he gets to brag about his drunken conquest with his coach, and his buddies, both in real life and the bloggersphere.
Now I know that many men, and the feminists would all like to convince us that we are all sexual beings with sexual needs, which we are, and that if women are horny, or just in the need of a warm body, we should be able to satisfy those needs anyway we see fit, and with whomever we see fit, and not have be looked upon as a “loosie goosie”, and if you feel otherwise, you must fall into the Bible thumping category, which I am nowhere close to being, by the way. I'm not arguing this fact, except for the whomever we see fit.
Let’s face it, everyone puts someone into one category or another, and as much as women, understandably, do not want to be viewed as an object, and they don’t like being put into the slut category, while a man displaying the same exact behavior, gets put into another more glamorous category, at least by some men, the fact still remains they are going to be, by many, if they make a habit of engaging in casual sex. Hey, if you don’t believe me, read more of Hammertime’s blog, he loves to carry on about his liberal sexual views; fuck you, and then talk about, and degrade you afterwards. Just think what a quality guy is thinking.
Oh, and for the record, even if you don’t…don’t think for one minute that he’s going to believe you when you tell him “that you don’t do this all the time”. I read enough men’s blogs, and have discussed with, as well as overheard from enough men, both the good ones, and the sleazy ones on this topic…they don’t believe you!
But that’s right, according to Hammertime, we shouldn’t care what others think, which we all do to varying degrees, by the way. It is a human need, to feel accepted. He himself has proved through talking out both sides of his mouth, and accusing Honey of being judgmental that he cares what others think. It all just depends on what it is you are trying to prove to yourself, and others.
For example, I found it extremely amusing that Hammer referred to Honey as being judgmental, after in his article(s) he made such statements as:
“her face looks like she’s done some meth or was a heavy smoker, her body wasn’t as tight as I thought”
“I stay in and continue talking to the fat friend”
“the other hot one, a smokin’ brunette girl who I decided afterward was actually hotter than the blond anyway”
“although she had a really unfeminine walk which was turning me off a little”
“This girl is a fucking horrible kisser. Maybe the worst kisser I have ever kissed. She opens her mouth as wide as possible like T-Rex style like she’s trying to eat my face. She also has garlicky breath, which is turning me off big time, and ends up being a major factor later when I’m fucking her.”
“we can tell that she’s definitely DTF” (which means “down to fuck”, just in case you didn’t know).
“Now even though I’m trying to fuck her, I’m actually really not turned on by her because of the shitty kissing and bad breath and I end up not really getting very hard”
“I sit on the toilet and she starts giving me head. She’s actually not bad at it, even though most girls fucking suck at it”
“BTW the Day 2 didn’t end up happening, who knows why. My guess is that the sex was not good so she didn’t want to try it again, although I blame her (and the size of the stall) for that.” But yet he also states in another article, “I also want her to know what she’s giving up by being with me. I don’t want there to be doubt in her mind that I am the best there is. I want her to compare me to every other guy she’s ever been with, because I am confident that I can stack up against the best of them.”
There is something wrong with someone who is a virgin at 22 by choice. Everyone has sexual desires, and if one is a virgin at 22 by choice, he is masochistic and has no sense of independence. He cares way too much about what other people think”
“It doesn’t matter what the irrational excuse is for why she hasn’t had sex yet at 22. The fact that she hasn’t had sex already tells me that she has unhealthy views about sex. It’s too big a deal to her.”
I understand that you needed someone to be your first in a safe and comfortable way or whatever, but don’t judge me for not wanting to be that guy.”
“She bites, I’ve framed her as the girl who goes to church on Sunday after letting the football team run a train on her Saturday night.”
Honey’s standards are that she doesn’t want to sleep with a man that she can’t have an intellectual conversation with. His on the other hand are that he will sleep with anyone who will let him. Unless, of course you are a virgin, in which case, you are required to go get your job experience elsewhere before he will give you the privilege of ramming you in the bathroom stall, and if you want anything more by way of a so called relationship, you will at least pretend that you like to swallow his cum (like a good girl), as well as participate in anal, threesome, etc., etc., etc.
I just thought of something. If you (Hammer) had taken your shitty kissing, garlic breath, with the unfeminine walk, drunk girl into the women’s bathroom instead of the mens, you might have had the luck of some other DTF (see Hammer's "non-judgmental" comments quoted above) girl walking in, getting turned on, and joining you! Oh, but that’s right, the stall was too small already to hold you, her, your dick, and most especially, your ego to begin with, thereby hindering your performance.
Based on our own perceptions, beliefs, and emotions we are always in constant judgment of everything around us. And I am certainly being judgmental of this particular topic. The reason being, I judge myself first.
I had my casual sex days, most recently with an ex that I wanted back, but I was always looking for something other than the “fun” of sex, even though I may not have wanted to admit it to myself or others. Always! I was always looking for at least the feeling of being loved, or wanted, and appreciated. And I always came up short, and was left with regrets! Always!
I’m just as fond of an orgasm as the next person, and even more so, the journey getting there. There is nothing better on this Earth than being wrapped up in the arms of a man who loves and respects you, and making love to each other in all kinds of ways, positions, and styles. There’s nothing like the taste, feel, smell, sound, and site of the man you love. And once you have been there, in my opinion, anything else is just lacking. It may still get you to the same place, but the journey along the way is boring, and unfulfilling. Why take the hot, smelly bus, when you really want to fly first class.
And I certainly don’t want to stick a popsicle in my mouth, or anywhere else for that matter, that has been passed around the entire playground being handled, licked, sucked, dunked into, and only god knows what, by hands, lips, tongues, etc., that have been no telling where, before it got to me…although, I don’t mind so much if it has passed through a few hands that were nicely washed and well taken care of.
So, now that I have learned to value myself, not only as a person, but as a woman, as well as valuing my body and the joy it can bring to both myself and others, I can take pride in me and my body. Since I am valuable to me, I expect to both receive and give back value and respect, in all my relationships. Spreading my legs in a bathroom stall, or some stale motel room; booty call; revenge sex; one-night stand; three-somes, fuck buddy; someone who's name I don't even know; someone else's man; or an ex…just doesn’t do it for me.
In this day and time, it’s easy to get someone to sleep with you, for both men and women, and there is no validation in that.
But then, our values and beliefs are always changing and evolving. It wasn’t all that long ago, I wouldn’t have gotten married again no matter how wonderful a man was, and even if someone handed me a million dollar check to do so, for instance. Now, if a man doesn’t think I’m worth sharing their name with me, and declare to the World that I am the woman they want to spend the rest of your life with, and they are not committed to that, and dedicated to working with me so the relationship works out well, and is healthy for them, me, and us, then I refuse to give too big of a piece of my heart, and I expect the same from them.
You go Hammertime, drive that nail home! BAM BAM, no thank you man. I personally consider a loose man just as unattractive, as a loose woman. But then, I neither am, nor do I want to be…”one of the boys”, or “hang with the best of ‘em.” I am not out to prove that I can be just as good a
I once thought that I could do anything a man could do, and should be looked upon in exactly the same light as them, and set out to prove just that. But I have come to realize, that belief stemmed from the fact that I did not respect masculinity, nor did I respect femininity, and their differences. Nor did I relish in the fact that through those differences, they are equally as good and valuable. As a result, I never embraced my feminine grace, or appreciated its beauty. All of which, always left me feeling unfulfilled, unsatisfied, and lacking something, which I never could quite put my finger on…until I started looking, and gradually discovering it.
I am no saint, and I sometimes I do fall below my own standards and expectations, not God’s and not society’s. I am human after all. Sometimes I stay out and drink more than I know I will feel comfortable with the next morning, spend money when I know I shouldn’t, as well as other things, so there may come a day when I will fall short of my own standards and expectations in the casual sex category once again, but the chances are getting slimmer, and…I will hate myself in the morning. Always!
Part two: What's Emotional Maturity, Needs and Denial Got To Do With It?
Related article: Sex: So Simple Yet So Complicated