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Sunday, June 21, 2009

It's Time to Jump Right In With Both Feet

I have been holding myself back. I have not been allowing the things I want the most to come into my life.

I was praying the other day, something I have not done in a very long, long time, and I found myself saying, “Please Universe, let me have thus and so. I deserve these things.” I realized that the word ‘let’ kept coming up. Then I was reading the article “How to Get Out of Hell”, which speaks volumes towards how I believe, it is a great article, in my opinion, so I hope you take the time to click on over their and read it.

Since I believe that our Higher Power is within and/or a part of each of us, I was really praying to myself to “let” me begin taking chances and living again.
It dawned on me that it is me and not the Universe that has been keeping those things at bay.

Life has presented me with so many challenges these last five years, and at first I chose a door, opened it and headed right on in with enthusiasm, but then I got tired and lazy, as more and more challenges were presented, and at first I stopped jumping through that door with both feet, and then I would only stick a toe in, and finally I slammed all the doors and locked them. There is where I have stayed the last two years, suspended in that dark space in between the past, and the future. I have been refusing to even look at or contemplate the doors, and have been lying quietly in my own created HELL.

There are just some things that we don’t want to know, that is why we hide, stuff down, and medicate away our negative emotions that are too uncomfortable for us to feel. I have been working really hard these last few years lifting the lid off, and clearing away those emotions I have not wanted to face throughout my lifetime, and it has been hard work. I thought that while I was sitting in this black hole, stuck, this was the best way to make use of my time, but in actuality, I think I closed all those doors as a way of forcing myself to go through this process.

I have also been writing here less lately, because I have been blocked. I believe I have been blocked, because in my cleaning, I stumbled upon something that was not ready to reveal itself, or I was not ready to accept, so I became stuck, and had to pull out the heavy duty tools to help me chisel away at it, rather than to go the easy route, of going the long way around, leaving it there where it became so comfortable. Some things have come through as a result.

I’m not sure exactly if I have been waiting it out here in suspension so that I would force myself to work on these things, or was it possibly out of fear of making another wrong choice without the knowledge and learning that I so desperately need, which is basically the same thing, but I do know that the time has come to make a move, it is time to choose one of those doors, and head through with both feet. It’s time to start letting the sunshine back in.

If you ask the right questions, and you will be shown the answers.

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3 Love note(s):

Shadow said...

it's always the first step that's the hardest...

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