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Honesty and Vulnerability the Key to Intimacy

One of the main factors of having and keeping a good relationship is being able to trust, and have good communication. In order for others to trust us, we have to be able to become vulnerable, and show our vulnerability. Honesty and vulnerability go hand in hand. You cannot be totally, and genuinely truthful with another, without opening up fully to them.[...]

Looking For Love In All The Wrong Places

We are conceived through a connection, of the deepest kind, between a man and a woman, and from the moment that we are conceived, we are connected to our Mother in her womb. When that physical connection we began with is separated at birth, we spend our lives desiring to be connected again. How we go about, and how well we succeed, at re-creating that connection…becomes the story of our lives.[...]

"Puppet On A String" Who Is Controlling Your Strings?

I was raised in a family of givers, and caretakers, and the old fashion way, where the women wait on the men, and take care of the home, but in the world of relationships, that tenancy and upbringing, if taken too far, can get me into a whole lot of trouble with men, and ultimately be the downfall of any relationship. There is a fine line between caring for someone and allowing yourself to be a “puppet on a string”. When you spend all of your time trying to please another person, at your own expense; they will see you as weak, possessive and clingy.[...]

Have You Seen My Rose Colored Glasses?"

I was reading an article by Zara Stevens, and it hit on something that has been on my mind a lot these past few years. "You no longer make me happy anymore." I heard this statement a lot at the end of my last relationship; that had started out with the most profound happiness that I could ever imagine. Both of us were filled with dreams that we were working to create together, along with supporting each other's individual dreams. But then there came that "crack", as Zara put it. I think that so many times part of the problem lies in the fact; that we meet someone, and they begin to bring so very much happiness into our lives, that each of you creates this perfect picture in your mind, about what a wonderful,[...]

Thursday, September 4, 2008

How Are The Changing Times Affecting Our Relationships?

Times have changed so much over the last few decades regarding relationships and commitment within a relationship. Roles between the difference between men and women, for one have changed drastically. In an age where the man no longer is the provider of the family, but is now sharing that responsibility with the woman, and where many women are seeking to pursue a career, over and above having a family, or relationship. Where it was once stereotyped as being a male trait to avoid commitment, has now become one that many women share equally with men. Now those women are rising in their careers, and more than capable of supporting themselves, and/or their children without the help of a man. So many are choosing to conceive and raise their children on their own, through the help of science, rather than to face the challenges that go along with a committed relationship.

I find this whole concept so very sad and distressing. First of all, children truly do need the guidance and influence of both the man and the woman, to emotionally develop a healthy and complete outlook. And without the two parent family being the norm now, the children will be raised also with that acceptance of a one parent household, and as years pass, I fear, the committed relationships between men and women will only grow more and more distant. Will there be a time in the future where it is unheard of for a couple to marry and become committed to one another all together? Will it become a strange sight creating whispers and gossip, when a couple is spotted walking hand and hand? Will you be scoffed at, and looked upon with strange expressions when you choose to marry another?

We are currently in an age where cell phone texting, computer emails, computer dating, social networks and forums, are the way communication is happening more and more between individuals, as opposed to even speaking on the phone, let alone meeting face to face to share a conversation. The distance between people is growing and growing. I personally need to hear my lover’s voice throughout the day. Although a text message is nice, because at least you know they are thinking of you, it could never compare to them actually taking the time to call me, and allow me the pleasure of hearing their voice. It’s like receiving plastic roses, as apposed to a real bouquet. Somehow I fear that the “Blowup Judy” will become a much needed item in the future.

I also fear that the further and further we move away from intimate relationships, and lean more and more on impersonal relationships with one another, that we will loose our ability to communicate well on an in person one on one basis altogether. Not to mention loosing our tolerance of one another and each of our separate idiosyncrasies, more than we already are.

Is this where we are headed? Sometimes I fear it is!

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4 Love note(s):

G8rBryan said...

I hope relationships are not headed down this road. Text messages are nice when someone is unable to talk do to work, driving, etc. I need to hear my g/f's voice.
I get strange looks from men & women when Cindy and I go out because I will open her car door for her to get in and out of my car, pull out her chair when we sit down to eat, we sit side by side when dining out, and I stand when she gets up to "powder her nose" and then again when she returns.
I think romance is not what it use to be; unfortunately.

Pandora said...

The overall thoughts in your post is very true and I have to agree with. Yet there is one sentence that I have to disagree with you on. And that was that having both parents guidance for children to develop healthy and complete outlook. I have 6 children, and three quarters of their lives I raised them single handed without a male role model. I worked, had little help in the support and in guiding them. It was up to me to instill upon them the traits of becoming loving secure, responsible adults. All of the children are well rounded, stable, emotionally secure, independent individuals. Each of the older children went to high school graduated with honors and attended colleges. The last three boys are still in school with the oldest graduating this year from high school.

Now while my raising them alone and having them turn out so well might now be the norm, there are many of us single parents, male and females that raise well adjusted children.

Having a two parent family is picture perfect and I agree would be great, yet please do not think that we single parents do not raise equally stable and secure children and that it takes two to do so. It might be harder but it can and is accomplished. :)

I enjoy your blog very much and respect your opinion on this subject as it was very well put :)

searchingwithin said...

g8bryan,

I think that many of us hope this is not how things are headed, but can you truly say that if giving it any thought, that this does not seem where we are going? My lover always opens the door for me. When he first started doing it when we met, I have to admit, I found it quite strange. Years ago I would have objected, but when I met him, I was at a point in life when I wanted to be appreciated and surrender to a man that I felt worthy, so I submitted. Then fell totally and completely in love with being feminine, and releasing the guards I had built so tidily around allowing those sides of myself to show.

I don't ever want to go back!

searchingwithin said...

Pandora,

I honor you! I commend you! And I have to admit that a part of me envies you!

I too was a single parent for a portion of my son's, and one and only child's life. During that time I did not need, nor did I receive not one penny from his father. He never so much as bought my son a pencil during that time. Abuse, One Woman's Story will explain better and in more detail. Had both of us changed some of the ways that we handled things, my son's life would have been so very much different.

To have six children that you raised alone, and for all of them to grow up and have a well rounded, and be well adjusted in all areas of their lives, is just phenomenal! In these days and times, even with both parents participating, that seems to be becoming less and less the norm.

You truly are a gifted and lucky woman, and I hope to see many articles written by you for me to follow, so that I, and the world, can learn from your experiences, and guidance.

~Best Wishes Pandora, and my heart is with you!~

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