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Saturday, April 19, 2008

Sticks and Stones May Break May Bones But Words DO Hurt Me

There is an aspect of a good relationship that many people seem to forget; that can and will get you into a lot of trouble…being discreet with the words that we utter.

We all know how important it is to have good communication within a relationship, if it is going to last and turn into something which endures the test of time, so that it brews into a comfort in our soul, like a warm soothing cup of coffee on a lazy Sunday morning.

I have heard all my life the old saying, “Sticks and stones may break my bones, but words will never hurt me.” I don’t know who the fool was; that came up with that saying, but they were as naive as we are, when we believe it.

We all know that words can scar your heart and do hurt, and they can stay with you through the test of time. Careless words have been known to scar little children’s psyche to the point; that they will give up a dream, create a fear, an insecurity; that stays with them throughout their entire life. That fact really doesn’t change when we get older and wiser; thoughtless, inconsiderate words still affect our emotional and physical wellbeing.

When we are not discreet with our words, we whittle away at the trust in the connection, that is the vital factor in any relationship, no matter what aspect of our lives that it represents.

Blurting out useless insults

Often times, we say some of the most hurtful things to the people that we love the most in our lives. We will say things to them; that we would never allow an outside person to say, or would never say to an outside person. Yet for some reason we behave under the impression, or assumption; that it is okay for us to utter those words to our loved ones…on a bad day, or in the heat of an argument. Many times those words don’t even express the way we feel, or what is eating us up inside. Rather than to be honest with ourselves or them, we blurt out a useless insult instead.

You can say your apologies, and even though most times you will be forgiven and the sore may heal, there is still the scar left behind that does not go away…is never forgotten, either consciously, or subconsciously.

A man of his word

When you do not show integrity towards yourself and others, and promise things you can not or have no intention of fulfilling.

When people trust you, they take you at your word, and they justifiably expect you to live up to that word, and when you don’t…those words hurt, and erode the trust between you. There was once a time when, it was a dishonor to shame your name…people took pride in being…a “man of his word”.

Truth falsely told or untold

Your words hurt and betray yourself, and those you shamelessly express them to...when they hide or are falsely spoken. Sometimes our unspoken words are a lie. Especially when they are unspoken as a way of hiding the truth.

Words unspoken

Then you stand back and allow others to spread gossip, and discredit those that you love, without saying a word…your words hurt, and betray.

Shaming the family

Another aspect of being discreet, is keeping your home-life and relationship within your home and family unit. Once you have been hurt, and I think we all have, it is hard for us to open our hearts again to others; to share our vulnerabilities. When someone shares with you their weaknesses, and you betray them by exposing those intimate secrets with others, or even throw them back at them…it hurts. It’s a betrayal of that trust.

When you take your intimate troubles and disclose them to others, you are putting your relationship at great risk…fueling the neighborhood gossip, with your own difficulties. Why is it; that so many people take such pride in being viewed as a victim? People may have sympathy for you initially, but eventually, they only look on you with pity.

You may only have the intention of looking for a different perspective that you may have missed, in hopes of finding a solution, but those people that you are running to, are only seeing one side of a two sided problem, and their perspective is clouded by their own feelings and agendas, for you. You are only running to others to help solve what should, and can only be, resolved between, and through communication with the initial parties. You have only now escalated the original problem with a betrayal of trust.

Not being discreet with your words erodes faith, and betrayal and erosion of trust…hurts.

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