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Sunday, November 16, 2008

Do Women Have Power Over Men?

The power of a woman over a man. Not only is it against a man’s animal instinct and his upbringing to believe that they have any weaknesses or vulnerability, but also that they are afraid of the power that a woman has over a man. Which is more than most male ego’s can bear to admit, even secretly within themselves, and many woman don’t even realize.

The consequences of this fact alone, has had deadly repercussions throughout history, for fear, especially when it is being denied, can have devastating results. Take for example, the 300 year long deadly maltreatment and deaths, of those suspected of being witches, abusive relationships, just to name a couple of examples. Abuse always comes from fear, for people feel the need to lash out at the things that they fear, and perceive to be a threat to their physical, and especially, emotional wellbeing.

Men have throughout history, although changing through the years, have been the pursuers, and the woman the receptors. If a man is honest with himself, he knows that although he is the pursuer, it is the female that is the one who makes the final choice.

I have been doing a lot of studying of pheromones, and have written several articles on them, and recently have been conducting my own experiments with them, which I will write more about in the future. None of us can deny the powerful affect that hormones have over our emotions, thoughts, and even drive. Anyone that has gone through puberty, PMS, menopause, andropause, mid-life crisis, and many other medical conditions, certainly can attest to that.

Testosterone is a very important hormone that both sexes produce, but mostly by men, and has a major affect on them. There is a familiar saying, “make love, not war,” but in fact, this hormone can very well produce both of these affects in men. While it increases their sex drive, it also can cause them to become aggressive towards their competition. It also increases a woman’s sex drive, by our senses picking up on the testosterone that men produce, and plays a part in the male we choose subconsciously. Alpha men produce more testosterone than others, which can also cause other men to feel intimidated by them.

When a man’s sexual urge is not being satisfied, they can become frustrated, and agitated which in turn, is capable of, and can cause them to become more aggressive and even violent. The fear that a man feels about being rejected, also, can make them feel depressed, frustrated, and again in capable of inducing aggression and violence.

I was with a gentleman the other evening talking about a variety of intense subjects, but one of the conversations somehow led to him telling me a story. This is a small town, and like all small towns and cities across America, for that matter, the 70’s was an intense time between whites and blacks here. They lived in a certain area of town, and other than attending school, stayed in their area, as we did ours; neither daring to venture into the other’s territory, for fear of your physical wellbeing, and even life. We certainly have evolved a lot since then.

Anyway, he had been out with his buddies whooping it up. Under the affects of testosterone, I am sure, they ventured into the forbidden territory, to a bar on the other side of the tracts. Of course they instantly became noticed, most unfavorably by the men, but some of the women appeared to have other thoughts, which as you can imagine, only compounded the problem. Finally, the owner, a big burly black man, extended an involuntary invitation, for them to accompany him to the back room. The biggest concern appeared to be, why they would be as bold as to attempt to come into their territory, and try to compete over with them, for their ladies. I mentioned the problem with this, in one of my other articles. The problem revolves around supply and demand, a woman’s need to find a man that can provide for her and her young. However, they convinced him that was not their intention, and astonishingly, ended up leaving there unscathed.

Men are visual creatures, and like it or not, part of their choice in partners, have to do with finding a young, healthy, symmetrical, woman to bare their young. Another important factor, for men, (but also woman, of course) is to find a woman to partner with that will be true to them. Until recent years, there was no way for a man to know whether the child that he was raising, and extending his resources for, was his own. Let’s face it; this fact has not only created a history of deceit by the woman, but also, much hatred and even violence, over the years.

People need to feel in control of themselves, their surroundings, and even, many times, others. When we feel that we have no control, then we become fearful, which again, can cause us to become aggressive and violent. Childbirth being a great mystery to men, as they are unable to bare children themselves, is also, a complete process that they are unable to control, other than to slip on a condom, whenever they see fit.

Another thing that we cannot control is deceit. Lies and deceit are capable of driving any sane person, into the depths of destruction, and this applies not only to the deceived, but also, the deceiver. Alpha male, player, commitment phobic versus the sensitive, and lasting relationship seeking man and the men with integrity, also plays a large role in the anxiety and fear of the later type of men. Women stereotypically, fall for the former…the proverbial bad-boy.

This also causes the more honest man to feel uneasy, and that uneasiness alone can make him appear even less appealing to women during the dance of choosing one suitor over another, making her even more vulnerable to the preys of the more experienced lion stalking his prey, all the while, leaving a trail of broken hearts in their wake. The man that is more adept at smooth talking can appear to be more genuine to the woman, than the more timid, up-tight man, who more times than not, has her genuine well-being and happiness, at heart.

Now the board is scattered with women who have been deceived, leaving them less trustful of all men, not to mention themselves, and their own judgment. Not only that, but the honest man is left with the situation where he begins to feel that he also must become skilled at deception, in order to keep themselves in the running. Any man with dignity and integrity is reluctant to resort to those types of tactics. They are aware that playing the part of someone you are not is a loosing game in the long run. There is only so long you are able to keep a mask on, before it falls off, or gets ripped away.

Then of course there is the sincere man that has been labeled as a liar, for the mere fact that he is a man, or because the woman has learned to become distrustful, or is untrustworthy herself, leaves all people confronted with the knowledge and dilemma where they feel they must learn the ways of deception, for their own self-protection. Not to mention feeling of anger and wanting to lash out at the accusers and deceivers. The good men and woman get stuck in the middle of all the lies flying around, being left with the difficult task, of making sense of it all.

Rumors, many times disguised as secrets, are something many women resort to, more so than men, which I wrote about in my article “Female Bullies – When Woman Get Down and Dirty”. Gossip, and a man or woman’s shortcomings that are spread around like hidden jewels, fueling the opinions of others, and growing, and changing as they spread like a virus, are enough to scare even the most confident, self-respecting, human being. We all have experienced how rumors can affect someone’s reputation and social standing, whether they are true, or not. Rumors coupled with a tall tail or two, has destroyed many a man’s entire future. No wonder men are scared to death of women.

Many times men try to dominate a woman, using the very nature of aggression that is inbred within him, and then real trouble begins, and rarely has a good outcome. No one, man or woman, wants to be controlled or dominated. Men are also no fools to the fact that, many women are very good at deceiving the man into believing that they have control, when in fact they do not.

Men are raised to hide their feelings and emotions, but it doesn’t change the fact that they still have them. A woman has the capability of guiding a man to the highest reaches of the Universe, or taking him down to their knees. Men, as well as women, need companionship to be the best that they can be. Their sexuality is directly attached to their self-esteem, and it can drive a man to the brinks of insanity when his instincts drive him to bond, and that need is denied or rejected.

Each sex has their own idiosyncrasies that are a mystery to the other. And each has their separate challenges. How nice it would be if we all could come together with complete honesty and forthrightness, about ourselves, and our individual situations and circumstances, with compassion, and a sincere attempt at understanding.

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9 Love note(s):

confused said...

although it has changed somewhat with women taking a more dominant role it is still her final choice..

Loving Annie said...

Fascinating article - loved the extensive detail and analysis of the subject.

I think when you are in love, the other person has power over you. Man or woman. Whether they appreciate it - or use it against you - depends on their character....

Both people make the choice. The man must do so intially, then the woman. It is a mutual agreement, not soley at the woman's discretion.

Your last paragraph really said it all...

Bryan Karl said...

We are all equal... I hope. :)

Anonymoussaid...

How insightful.

Anonymoussaid...

I am a man who would like to restore an equal balance with my partner, she has not been loved properly in the past, and so she is not sure what this emotion truly holds for her, it is a struggle, but i am determined to show her the meaning of this true love, and in doing so, she will finally be able to give it back......but it is difficult....!!!!

Anonymoussaid...

The relationships between men and women, men and men, women and women, are not equal. Love is where all the inequality fades as you see the other person for who they really are...another yourself.

Anonymoussaid...

My man a professionally minded type that has drive and ambition so long as opportunity falls into his lap. He will put on a great display of knowledge of business and professional relationships and even how the people should be treated in general.. I am a woman who has been through a divorce two grown children and a granddaughter.
He has no children and never been in a marriage.

I am working to improve my image and my career and yet progress is slow due to financial matters.
I have never had a true romantic passionate lover.I tell him thats what I want/need and he doesn't even try. Perhaps this was a relationship based on my income and domestic service (clean home etc). We have lived together for the last 4 years.
so moving forward I will continue alone? Any suggestions?

Takaras said...

Although I agree with most things in this article, I must disagree to that fact that women use gossip more than men. On many ocassions I have witnessed men gossiping about a woman, but with the most loathsome and disgusting language I have ever listened, and making assumptions based on a woman's wink or gesture that could have might as well been, irrelevant to them. Men always think that a certain woman is attracted to them when she really isn't. Also at high school, I have been bullied a lot by a boy, who spread rumors about me, and commented on everything I said and humiliated me in front of my boyfriend, and he was the most gossip lover in the whole school.

Anonymoussaid...

The idea of power in the relationship is not one-sided for women as they may believe. If there is a large difference between two people involved with a relationship, the person with the most investment will be in the submissive position.

Since in the scenario you described; men the pursuers and woman the persuerees, woman would be in the dominant role.

If there is no chasing whatsoever, then there will be no power gained or to be possessed by.

Women play the game of "come chase me, and I will decide if you ever get to catch me". I as a man does not play that game at all.

I will do what women are starting to do now. Not be focused on woman, and make something of myself. I will be successful, I will be stable, I will be educated. Not a single spec of time to be using on women.

Doesn't sound too nice does it. Although this is the attitude I am hearing that women are going for as of now. I see the results of that behavior; men continue to chase women, while women have no intention of letting him even have a chance.

Women as so described above can play with all the bad-boys they want. Eventually they'll realize that a guy like that with a poor job, little to no education, and no goals in life besides himself will get old. By the time women realize their mistake it will be all too late, the "good men" will have met a mature woman, not a school-girl.

"Where are all the good guys..." It is a phrase many women use, and with reason ;)

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