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Thursday, February 12, 2009

Create and Ignite a Man's Passion and Desire

courtship-ritualRules, rules, rules, everywhere you look you see and read about “the rules”. Do this, don’t do that, haven’t you read the rules? But in the World of relationships, what most of those rules forget, are the rules of nature. We can wish them away all we want to, or even try to change them, as the roles of men and women become more and more hazy, but they still apply, if you are looking for a quality and lasting, long term relationship. Although, there are always those few exceptions to the rules.

All throughout evolution of Mankind, and the Animal Kingdom in general, the man has been, still is, and should be, the pursuer. While the woman is the receptive, and the one who makes the choice of who she chooses to partner and mate with, out of the best possible male available to her; the one that is willing to prove, and proves to her, that he is “adequate” enough to be her mate, and procreate with.

In nature, and yes we are still part of nature even through we supposedly have logical and rational minds (huh), the quality and alpha members of the species, this is how the courtship dance goes;

• Man meets or spots woman
• Man and woman judges each other’s value by their display
• Man and woman are interested in each other
• They show subtle signs of interest by flirting and acknowledging each other
• Woman keeps man at an aloof distance questioning his suitability
• Man becomes energized and occupied in the contest of proving his qualities as an appropriate mate
• Woman moves toward, or away from man emotional and physically, signaling his progress or failure to display those qualities, which match up with her values, and respects her boundaries
• Man judges woman’s value by her display
• Man determines whether or not he is a match for her value, and either gives up with his tale between his legs looking for a weaker female more in line with his own worth; or he engages in a courtship ritual where he continues to show her his merit
• After spending time in the courtship with the man, observing his courtship displays, eligibility and attributes, woman either chooses the man, or discards him.
• Man feels proud, masculine, and exhilarated that he has won the prize of a discerning, indispensable woman
• Man loves and protects both the woman and their relationship

Now, the dance does not end there, because the woman works to keep herself as the indispensable mate, and should the man begin to display signs of taking her quality for granted and gets lazy, she compels him to engage in pursuing and keeping his treasure.

Somewhere along the line, in womens pursuit of being equal to a man, we have forgotten how important, and priceless our part of being a woman is. Somehow we have determined that it displays weakness for us to sit back and force a man to come and pursue us. Instead we are running after him, pursuing him, flailing our arms up and down attempting to get him to notice us, pick and choose us, approve of us, be impressed by us, and to win him. Ladies, this is not how the dance goes.

If you are agonizing over what you will wear, what you will say, how you will come off, during a date, you are trying to win him. If you are trying to convince him that you are worthy, you are trying to win him. If you are overdoing trying to spoil him, you are trying to win him. If you are attempting to show him, or even worried about whether or not you are the right woman for him, you are trying to win him. If you are calling, texting, IMing, emailing him, when he doesn’t call, text, IM, or email you, you are trying to win him. If you are sitting around worrying, waiting, wondering about him, you are trying to win him. If you are grasping at him when you feel him slipping away, you are trying to win him. If you are attached to the outcome, you are trying to win him. If you are whining because he isn’t paying enough attention to you, spending enough time with you, or appreciating you, you are trying to win him. If you are seeking validation, you are trying to win him. If you are promiscuous and spreading your legs for him, in hopes that it will make him fall in love with you, or anytime prior to him showing you that he possesses values that coincide with your own and respects your boundaries, you are trying to win him.

And it is not attractive. It does not peak his interest. It does not create desire. It does not show you are worth winning.

knight-in-shining-armorThere will always be the fainthearted, corruptible, free and easy, sleazy woman who will chase and/or give her heart and her body to a man, out of feeling that is the only means they will be loved, or given attention to…worthy, and men will answer his testosterone’s and his ego’s call, and willingly sleep with her for a one-night stand, or use her as the girl he keeps on the sidelines, but if you are looking for a quality man, and a quality long term relationship…don’t be that woman.


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1 Love note(s):

Shadow said...

how right you are... good post!

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